WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE

"Life doesn't require that we be the best - only that we try our best." - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

The real secret to being able to change is the willingness to do so. If you are to make any progress at all in excavating yourself form the cycles that entrap you, you must first identify the patterns that keep you stuck. Then you can begin to release the old behaviors.

If you truly want to change, you will choose to do it, and make a commitment to the process of it. However, if you rely on the thought that you should change, you will make the decision to do so and then you will feel the pinch of sacrifice. Following the current trends, the advice of friends, or the wishes of family members result in decisions; following your inner compass results in choice.

Perhaps the change you wish to make is to stop smoking. If you truly want to stop, then you choose to do so, and you make a commitment to quitting. However, if you just have the nagging feeling that you should quit, you might then decide to do so, and thus end up feeling like you are making a sacrifice by quitting.

Or perhaps you think you need to begin an exercise regime. f you truly want to do this because you want to become healthier or more fit, then you will viscerally make the choice to do so, and you will have a much easier time making a commitment to your new routine. However, if you think you  should exercise to look or feel better, you will most likely decide to do so somewhat half-heartedly and thus feel like you are making a sacrifice each time you try to exercise.

REMEMBER:           WANT leads to CHOICE, which leads to COMMITMENT

                                   SHOULD leads to DECISION, which leads to SACRIFICE.

Whenever I think of the lesson of willingness, I think of a woman named Karen who came to one of my time management workshops. Karen was an incredibly busy person who ran around all the time trying to catch up on all the things she had to do. Between her errands, phone calls, hectic job, and social obligations, Karen was always on the run and never on time for anything.

Karen's family began to get angry that she rarely had time for them, and that when she did make time, she would show up nearly an hour late. Her boss admonished her repeatedly for arriving late to work. Her friends felt ignored and annoyed that she could not even send their birthday cards on time. The pressure on Karen to change her ways was enormous, so she decided to work on managing her time better.

Karen did improve her habits for about a week. She tried to organize her time better so that everyone in her life would be happy, but she overlooked one essential fact: she really did not want to change. She was not willing to give up the adrenaline rush she got from running around all the time. She enjoyed feeling needed in many different places at once. Giving that up felt like a sacrifice to her. Karen's efforts to change fell short, and she ultimately reverted to her old patterns.

By the time Karen came to the workshop, several months after her aborted attempt to change, she was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. She herself could no longer tolerate living the way she had been living. Karen admitted she needed to change, not for anyone else's sake, but for her own sanity. Karen was willing to change, and thus chose to do so. She no longer wanted to miss the first hour of every family dinner or have to sneak in the back door of her office building in the morning. It was her willingness that allowed her to commit to a more manageable schedule and eventually get her life under control.

SO the next time you are struggling to make a change in your life, ask yourself, " How willing am I, really, to make this change?" If you are not succeeding, there's a good chance that you may be relying on your belief that you should change, rather on your intrinsic desire to do so.