"Perhaps the hardest lesson to learn is not to be attached to the results of your actions."
- Joan Borysenko
Unattachment is the release of need or expectation associated with a specific outcome. For most people, this is one of the most difficult lessons to learn. We become attached to the way we envision something working out, and struggle to make circumstances bend to our desires. Life, however, often has its own agenda, and we are destined to suffer unless we give up our attachment to things working out exactly as we would like. We learn unattachment when we are able to release our belief that "there" is any better than "here".
Unattachment is one of the cornerstones of Buddhism. For centuries Buddhists have taught that one of the major causes of unhappiness is desire - desire for a person, for material things, for money or status. These desires create our attachments. We become attached to a person, attached to money, our new car, or our status as a senior vice president. ultimately these attachments are fleeting, we spend a lot of our time and energy in pursuit of them, and they prevent us from paying attention to the really important things in life. Feeling desire assumes a sense of dissatisfaction and brings about suffering. The way to happiness is to eliminate desire and the way to eliminate desire is to eliminate attachments.
Being unattached does not mean being disinterested or removed; rather, it means remaining neutral in your judgments of circumstances and in your desire for a specific outcome. In other words, if your goal is to amass a million dollars, it is natural and right for you to pursue that goal. The key to serenity, however, lies in your ability to hold lightly to the image of yourself reaching that goal. In doing so you will feel peaceful in your situation regardless of the outcome. Unattachment means you are not bound by your expectations of how things should turn out, and that you are willing to let go.
- Notice what you want and acknowledge the outcome you are attached to.
- Imagine the ideal outcome of your situation, and then imagine the worst-case scenario. Doing this brings any hidden fears to light and makes it acceptable for the outcome to go either way.
- Make a clear statement to the universe by writing out your desire clearly or saying it out loud.
- In your mind, create the image of you holding the intention lightly in the palm of your hand, with your fingers held loosely open.
- Mentally release the desire out into the universe, trusting that whatever outcome you receive will be the right one. You can use the visualization of placing your wish in a helium balloon and allowing the balloon to drift up and away. Actually see yourself letting go of the attachment.
If your desire is for financial prosperity, your first step would be to notice your desire and acknowledge any attachments you have to achieving such prosperity. Perhaps you envision in your mind's eye an easier life, filled with abundant luxuries and many hours of free time, and you believe that financial prosperity will afford you that life. Become very clear in your mind about the outcome you believe you will experience if you realize your desire.
Run your mind through the worst-case scenario. What would happen if you did not achieve financial prosperity? Take this to the furthest extreme you can imagine, even it sounds far-fetched and irrational. Doing this will bring your deepest fears and beliefs to light and give them less of a hold over you.
Next, put your intention of achieving financial prosperity out into the universe, through mental images, thoughts, words - perhaps even in writing.Be specific and clear about what you want.
Third, conjure up the picture in your mind of you holding financial prosperity lightly in the palm of your hand, with your fingers outstretched.
Then release your desire out into the universe,mentally envisioning it encased in a helium balloon, floating away. Remain anchored in the knowledge that whatever outcome you receive will ultimately be for the best.
If your desire is to get married, you would take these steps:
- Notice the desire to find a partner and get married.
- Acknowledge the attachments you have to getting married. Perhaps you believe you will feel safe, or secure, or blissful. Perhaps you believe your life will truly begin, or that you will find the love of which you have always dreamed.
- Now imagine the worst-case scenario, in which your desire is not realized. What would happen if you never met your soulmate and never got married? Take this as far as your imagination allows, even if it takes you to images of yourself alone forever. bring any and all horrible fears to light; this will give them less weight.
- State, imagine, or write your desire to meet your soulmate and get married. Put it out into the universe in a clear, direct way.
- Hold the intention and image of yourself getting married in your mind. Picture yourself balancing that image in the palm of your open hand.
- Visualize releasing the image and all of your attachments to it. Know that the universe will provide you with whatever you need for growth in terms of realizing this desire.
Pay attention to the motivations behind your attachments. you may be attached to getting married or rich because you think it will bring about security. The fact is being rich or married in no way guarantees a secure life free of worries. It may actually make you less secure. A sense of security comes from within, not from attachment to any person, thing or idea.
It is important to recognize that your desire or intention may also show up in a form different from that which you might have expected. For example, if your desire is prosperity, it may not come in the form of a winning lottery ticket, but more indirectly, like in the form of a lucrative job offer. If your desire is to find a soul mate, you might be sent a wonderful new friend to fill your need to connect with someone in lieu of a lover. Keep your eyes wide open for gifts from the universe, as they sometimes come in unexpected packages.
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